DC versus Alabama

This showdown is really about settling a score. Everyone always asks me, "How does Alabama compare to DC?" I think they are asking about the BBQ, but I think there are more important aspects to consider. I mean DC has been said to be first in war, first in peace, and last in the American League, but that doesn't even make sense anymore since the Nats are in the National League.

According to this website, Alabama ranks last in the US in:

Education > Public Libraries > Library Visits per Capita

Presidential Elections > 1960 > Popular Votes for Orval Faubus

Trade > Exports to Honduras > Percent Change 2004-2005

So it becomes clear that they have been regretting not voting for Orval Faubus in the 1960 presidential election ever since. The bitterness from that legacy remains pungently in the taste of their BBQ. And where would their economy be if the had a greater change in exports to Honduras? It's obvious the Hondurans want nothing to do with their BBQ.

Let's take a quick look at DC's superiority:

DC is last in

Geography > Land area

Health > Overweight and Obesity Rate

Health > Suicides

Lifestyle > Average Household Size

People > Sex Ratio

So to summarize, we are the smallest area, with the most overweight people due to the deliciosity of our BBQ, the lowest suicide rate because of said BBQ, small household size so we don't have to share, and we have the fewest male/female ratio. Our men have learned to cook BBQ out of necessity and we all know that necessity is the mother of invention.

Res ipsa loquitur, bamas. That should resonate with all you DC lawyers and Latin fans.

See you on the 11th.